A Comicbook Character in Queen Fyora's Court
by Captain Deadpool
Summary: Deadpool is summoned to Neopia for unknown reasons, and transformed into a mutant Ixi. He doesn't really care, but with nothing else to do, he travels all over Neopia to find some answers. But, beware, Wade. For every coin has two sides.
1. With the Flip of the Coin

Disclaimer: Deadpool and Neopets belong to their respective owners.

* * *

She looked at the coin. It was the only one of it's kind in all of Neopia, and **SHE** would know. It had been in her possession for centuries. In fact, she couldn't quite remember where she had aquired it. For her not to know something was a very rare accurance indeed. 

It was half the size of her palm, and had two similar yet different markings on either side. One side was surrounded with a red ring, with a red line cutting through the middle. The two halves that were made in consequence where filled in with black, with two white eyes (she didn't know how she knew what they are) in the upper middle of each half. It frightened her a little bit. It didn't feel evil, it just felt unpredictable. Sometimes, that's worse.

The other half was split in half with no lines in between. It was solid black and orange, save for the single white eye (similar to the other two on the other side of the coin). The eye was a slit surrounded by a black ring. This terrified her. It was evil. Evil of the most dangerous kind. The kind that can work day or night, unconfined to the darkness.

Something was strange about it this evening, or rather, stranger._'Flip the Coin! Flip the coin!'_ a voice cried out in her mind.

Her hands trembled. This shouldn't be happening.

_'Flip the coin!'_

Not to her!

_'Flip the coin!'_

She was the queen!

_'Flip the coin!'_

**She was Fyora, Queen of the Faeries!**

**_'FLIP THE COIN!'_**

"ALL RIGHT! I'LL FLIP THE FLIPPIN' THE COIN!" she covered her mouth. The doors to her chambers opened.

"Is everything alright, M'lady?" this was coming from the fire faerie that stood guard outside her door at night.

"I am fine, Penora. It was... a nightmare. Go back to your post."

Penora's face betrayed her uncertainty for a moment, but she quickly decided she had no right to argue with her queen,"Very well, M'lady. I will be outside of your chambers, should you need anything."

She then left Fyora alone. Alone to face the coin. She played with it in her hands for awhile, and then, she flicked it into the air with her thumb.

* * *

The X-men where having a 'family' reunion. Deadpool wasn't invited. He wasn't an X-men. He wasn't a mutant. He wasn't even a superhero. He was, of course, going anyway. 

Deadpool was driving his self-made convertable (he ripped the top off). He could have teleported, but then he would have missed the opportunity to crash his car into the X-mansion. If Deapool was anything besides a low-down, crazy, wisecracking, violent anarchist, then he was an opportunist.

This means that he was currently going way faster than his current means of four-wheeled transportation was meant to go in it's prime, and was holding together in it's current state by a couple of screws and the prayer of anything unlucky enough to be on the road at the time.

By the time he was insight of the X-mansion, the car was shaking violently and things where starting to catch on fire under the hood.

"Come on baby, dady needs a new pair of AK-47's!" was all Deadpool had to say at a time when most men would be bussy finding religion.

So when a loud explosion took out the gate, the X-men, and a few assorted friends, wich included all veteran X-men as well as such big names as Spider-Man, Sunfire, and Captain Britain, assembled and prepared for an interesting fight. Most of them had guessed who they would be fighting. Only one person had enough crazy in his system to attack the Xavier Institute head on and in that fashion.

"Arrogant bastards..." Deadpool mumbled under his breath. Having blown open the gate, he was faced with a few robotic sentries that didn't get destroyed from his little 'accident'. Round floating spheres that could shoot a laser in any direction. Not very bright, though. Deadpool did a flying leap between the two remaining bots, and quickly teleported to the ground as they began to fire at him. Since he was no longer there, lasers cut through air, and straight to each other, destroying both quickly. He quickly moved from the front lawn in search of his prey, namely Wolverine's motorcycle.

"Is that IT? That's all I mean to you guys? I'm hurt, truly and deeply. I mean, I thought we had something," he sits down next to the garage door and puts his face in his hands and fakes a wimper or two, then shouts,"Special!" He then goes to out-right crying.

When the others (There were about fifty or so) finally found Deadpool by the garage, he was sitting there crying like a baby.

"Ackward..." said a very confused Spider-Man. Hearing him, Deadpool lifted his head. His face seemed to light up with a smile as would Christmas tree, and he jumped up to group hug the nearest people he could find. This was Spider-Man, Mystique, Beast, and as fate would have it, Wolverine. Ackward indeed. He then went into choked sobbing, thee drama queen.

The four in question just stood there frozen. The others just shuffled their feet ackwardly. This went on for ten minutes,. and when it finally sunk in that Deadpool could keep sobbing like a newborn for about as long as he wished, Prof. X spoke up.

"Is there something... wrong, Wade?" It just didn't seem like something one should be asking Deadpool.

He let go of the four embarassed heroes, much to their collective relief, and stopped his crying. With a sniffle he said,"You really do care! I was so worried you weren't coming!"

"Commin' fer what?" This is Rogue.

"Remy confused, mon ami. Dis ain't like him." This is Gambit.

"Well, my friends, I'm going to be taking a little trip, so I won't be able to see you for a while. Since I just know you'll miss me, I thought I'd give you something to remember me by."

Wolverine whispered to Spider-Man,"You willin' ta bet against this being about not gettin' an invitation, bub?"

Spider-Man snorted in amusement,"I look stupid to you?"

Wolverine just shook his head wearily.

"I heard that! While I am dissapointed in you all for 'forgeting' to send me my invitation, I'm willing to overlook that for the sake of friendship."

Mystique, Beast, and just about everyone else there rolled there eyes. But a few let the joy of even the possibility to be free from Deadpool's antics for any period of time blind their common sense.

Jubilee smiled."It'll sure get boring without you around!" She didn't say it like it was a bad thing.

Shadowcat even went up to shake his hand,"I'll, like, totally miss you!" _'Like I'd miss a plague!'_ Deadpool smiled and shook her hand. And then she remembered whos hand she was shaking, her smile became a bit more forced, and she phased out of his grip quickly, and ran to the nearest sink.

"Ok... Well, anywho, I just wanted to give you all a fond memory to think of when you think of me. I know you all have too few."

_'Amen,'_ they all thought in unison.

"I don't know when I'll be back, see ya!" and with that, he pressed the button on his belt, and vanished.

Those assebled started to feel stupid for some reason.

"Why do I feel like I've just made a huge tactical error?" Cyclops said.

Nightcrawler just nodded in agreement.

Prof. X just wished he could read Deadpool's mind.

As they all turned around and started to head back to their reunion, they heard a sound that made their hair stand up (if they had any) straight. The garage door was opening, and an engine came to life.

Wolverine would know that engine anywhere.

"Gotta ride in style, Wolvie! Yeehaw, suckers! Remember **THIS**!"

The only thing that kept him from taking action was the light that appeared to be shining around Deadpool's form. Deadpool hit the gas and rocketed out of the garage. Heading right for the brick wall that surrounded the X-mansion. Everyone was too shocked to notice Deadpool start to fade away. By the time that Deadpool completely faded from the motorcycle, it slammed into the wall. Both wall and cycle were left in ruin, with no Deadpool to be found.

As Wolverine looked at the charred remains of his bike, his baby, he fell to his knees. Cyclops put a hand on his shoulder, completely understanding his pain. It was one of the few things they had in common.

"He will pay," was all he said, and he did it with an icy calm that left no room for arguements. "If I ever see him again, he will pay."

* * *

Fyora let out a sigh of relief. It had not landed on the evil side of the coin. Still, she was a little dissapointed. Nothing happened. Well, whatever. At least her mind could rest. She picked up the coin from the floor, and put it in a plain looking box, wich she stashed under her bed. 

Little did she know, that somewhere in Neopia, Deadpool had arrived.

* * *

_In closing, I'd like to think sabrina-diamond. Also, I need some ideas on what is to happen next, or things I could change about this chapter. I'm rather new to the whole Neopets thing._


	2. Deadpool Comes Forth to Kick Much Ass

The great and mighty Queen of the Faeries, Fyora, woke up around noon the next day feeling very drained. Something had zapped some of her magic last night, and she had a fair idea as to why. She had flipped that coin and gone to bed. That coin must have used her magic to... do whatever it is it did (hence her oversleeping). Speaking of which, she was late for her morning meetings, and was probably going to have to double her workload for weeks just to catch up.

She got up and sat Indian-style on the floor, then she reached for the box with the coin inside. She opened the lid and started to talk to the coin.

"What have you done?"

The coin was silent.

"What did you do with my power?" She could feel it coming back, so she wasn't too worried about being permanently crippled.

It was mocking her with it's silence. For some reason she was starting to loathe the coin, for absolutely no reason at all. She closed the lid and got up. She apparently wasn't going to get her answers this way. Then, suddenly, a wave of powerfully intense hatred washed over her, and she did something that she would come to regret. She walked over to a window and open it. She took a pen from a near-by table and wrote something on the back, and then she put down the pen and lifted the box over her head with one hand.

"Fine, you want to be all quiet and Superior to ME, do you? Well, I'll show you how I deal with insolent coins that trifle with me, the QUEEN OF THE FAERIES!"

She threw it as hard as she could down to the ground below.

The door entered, and her guard, dressed in full Fire Faerie armor, entered,"My Queen, is something wrong?"

Fyora turned around and faced her guards woman, trying to be as cheery as possible,"No, no, nothing at all. I've just lost some _dead weight_, actually," then she deadpanned,"though we will be discussing all the reasons you should not let me sleep in when I have important business to conduct, and I can't remember one day in a thousand years when I haven't."

Penora winced under the look the Queen was giving to her, but she tried to look on the bright side. She may lose her job. Oh, how she hated her job. Especially when the Queen got in one of her 'moods'.

* * *

Jhudora tapped her foot quickly and without patience. Just standing by the castle for Darkness knows what didn't sit well with her. Something told her to just stand here and wait, and opportunity would come knocking _(bad pun, I know). _She had been waiting for hours, when suddenly, the reason for her waiting there like a moron hit her like a brick _(worse pun)_. 

**WHAP!** A box hit her on the head. She fell down on her tush, holding her head in pain.

"Who's the stupid bastard that hit me with this..." she looked around for the object, and found it lying there upside down. Glued to the bottom was a piece of paper. She went over, and picked it up. The paper read:

**Property of Fyora, Queen of the Faeries. If found, please return and do not open. You shall be rewarded accordingly for following these instructions. **Parts of it were scratched out, and replaced crudely with:

**YOU FIND IT YOU KEEP IT**

"Interesting... So it was THAT bastard. She must really not like what's inside this box," she put on a facial expression that was somewhere between a smile and a sneer. If Fyora didn't like it, then Jhudora will love it. She would go to her stronghold to open in and get something to make that nasty bump on the noggin' go away.

"Ouch!" she touched it gently again,"I swear, when I get whatever's in this box out, I'm going to burn it. Slowly," and with that, she traveled home, laughing maniacally all the way and rubbing her head.

* * *

Deadpool was deep in some forest that didn't look healthy at all. He had gotten the feeling that he was going away for awhile, and he had a good idea about when it would happen. So naturally he did something that would leave him fresh in the minds of his 'peers' (and I use the term loosely). Now he had to find out where the hell fate or stupidity had sent him too, and that was just the tip of the iceberg. 

His costume was hanging more loosely from his body, with the exception of his gloves, which where much too tight. He also seemed to be missing both of his pinky fingers. Odd, as most of his body parts grew back quickly when lost. This indicated that either his Healing Factor was taking a break, or that his anatomy had undergone significant change. He was placing bets on the latter.

He tried taking a step forward, and fell face first, tripping over his own boots. He turned around and got to a sitting position. As he reached slowly for one of his katana to cut his boots off (they are connected to his costume) the fabric of his gloves broke when he tried to grip it. He pulled his other hands into a fist, and the same thing happened. Not only were they slightly bigger and have only four digits, they were covered in black fur(not thickly, though)! Deadpool just shrugged. Unlike some people, he didn't care for appearance. He wasn't a looker, and if anything, he thought that the fur might be an improvement.

He rolled up his the sleeves of his costume to keep the tattered edges out of the way, and cut off part of his costume's legs, at about halfway from his knees to his feet. His feet looked normal (if you can ignore the fur) until you looked for the toes. You would look in vain, for instead of toes he has two toe-like hooves. In the style of his sleeves, he rolled up his pants leg, thankful that he now had fur as it was rather chilly.

"Curiouser an' curiouser..." He felt around his face. It was not his face, his face didn't have a horn growing out of it (he didn't know that there should be two). Not that he was complaining mind you, he didn't even like his face. It was just that it was his face, and he'd gotten accustomed to it. It wasn't much, but hot-damn, it was his!

"Ah, whatever. I'm hungry. Hey, Blind Al, make me a sandwich, you lazy old crone... Oh that's right. I'm where ever here is, and not on in my apartment watching that marathon. Hey, I'm missing that marathon! What was it a marathon of again, exactly?"

Before he could ponder this mystery further, Deadpool heard a scream, and he got up quickly to check it out. Oh, poo, now we'll never know what marathon it was that he was supposed to be watching...

* * *

He jumped on a tree branch, he watched the the happenings happening down below. 

A little, well, whatever it was (I believe that Gilly is an Usul), was being chased by this grey haired werewolf things (Werelupes). It tripped on a vine, and seemed to be unable to get up. Then he heard a voice that indicated two things to Deadpool with a fair degree of certainty.

"PLEASE! NO!" The wolves just slowed down and started circling the helpless Usul. They were doing something between growling and laughing.

1. She was a young female in distress.

2.Those monsters are hungry.

Deadpool jumped out of the tree softly and started to walk away.

"Stay out of it Deadpool. It's none of your business..."

"PLEASE, SOMEONE HELP ME!"

Deadpool stopped in his tracks and looked pleadingly up at the sky.

"Oh, Dear Lord, not the begging. Anything but the begging. Next comes the crying..." Deadpool heard loud sobs, followed by an increase in the volume of laughing. He let out a sigh, and picked up a small stone lying on the ground.

"No rest for the wicked..." he walked up to get in range, and threw the stone, hitting his mark, and as the target yelped in pain, he said,"Yo, was sup dawgs? Couldn't find a real woman tonight, so you decided to pick on this young thang?"

That got their attention. The one just a little to the right of the one he'd hit spoke up, and as he was the tallest, Deadpool assumed that he was the leader.

"We," he struggled to find the words for a moment, "Arrre not doing THAT. We arrre goinng to eat herrr..."

"Right. What da ya think I meant?" Deadpool's facial features never moved an inch.

The alpha male's eyes widened in anger and he hit a tree with his fist, making it shudder, "GET HIM!"

"Thank you for completing the first two steps in my ten step program: Deadpool's School of Pain!" Step one was distracting them from there target, and step two was getting them focused on him.

Before the first Werelupe got to him, he jumped up and grabbed a tree limb with both hands, swinging back to give him some momentum, and then kicked him with both feet right in the face as he swung back, knocking him out.

"Step three: Complete!" he said as he seemed to disappear. Confused at having lost sight of him, they just stood there and looked around for him like the idiots they are.

They didn't do that for long before he appeared in the middle of two of them, snatched both of them up by there ankles, and sandwiched a third in between them by swinging them like clubs. Picture taking two bats and hitting someone on both arms at the same time.

"Steps four and five: Good to go!" He locked eyes with the alpha male, the last one standing.

Deadpool could tell from the look in his eyes that he was afraid, and debating whether to attack or run, but trying to scare him at the same time in the hopes that Wade would run away. Instant. Pure instinct. Deadpool decided to speed things up.

"Y'know, you can run away if you want. You'd fail my class, but don't worry; I am more than willing to give you a make-up test any time you want, punk."

The Werelupe didn't understand most of that, but he was fairly certain he was being mocked, as he was one of the smarter ones as well as one of the bigger ones of his kind. Sadly that's not saying much, so he got mad and forgot his fear, charging at Deadpool's face, claw first.

Deadpool smoothly dodged and grabbed the thing's wrist, and broke it with a sharp twist.

"Six."

Before the thing could yelp in surprise, Deadpool pulled it forward by it's wrist for a sharp punch in gut, knocking the wind out of him.

"Seven."

He let go of the alpha's wrist, and went into a semi-crouch and then quickly kicking the feet from under the poor leader's body, getting up before the beast had a chance to completely fall.

"Eight."

Wade calmly walked over and grabbed the wretched monster by the fur on it's chest, which, it goes without saying, was very painful. The once proud leader was reduced to shivering mess of pain and fear. Deadpool just smiled a gentle smile that did not fit the situation.

"Nine. Can't say I didn't warn you, and..."

Still holding the poor animal, Deadpool reared back his arm, and smashed the pack leaders skull on the nearest tree, putting cracks in the wood. He went limp.

"TEN! You are now proud graduates of Deadpool's School of Pain. I'd give you diplomas, but I doubt you can read and it's not like you'll need help remembering this little class anyway, right? Now let's all sing the alma matter!

Deadpool is the Awsomest!

He is better than all the rest!

He kicks ass all day and night!

GO! GO! DEADPOOL!

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

He heard some clapping and remembered why he was doing this in the first place. He tuned around to see the little Usul clapping her hands for his performance. He was having so much fun, he'd forgotten her. He gave her an exaggerated bow.

"Thank you, thank you. You're too kind, really."

She was looking at him with stars in her eyes.

"You saved me from those monsters. Thank you so much!"

She got up and limped toward him, and hugged his leg tightly. "Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou..."

She barely came over his knee. He pried her off his leg, and sat down, placing her on his lap. She was blushing slightly. Deadpool gave her a friendly smile. Her blush deepened. Seeing that she was too flustered to talk, Wade decided that he would start the conversation, so using the kindest voice he could muster, he said,"Well, arena't you a sweet one? You're quite welcome. I really enjoyed it though. Those fellows may look tough, but they were just a pack of morons. Long as you're smart, even you could have took them. So long as you didn't start the fight, that is, and you kept a defensive position..." Deadpool sighed. He liked children, but because of who he was, he had trouble talking to them.

"Well, anyway, what did you think of my whoop-ass performance? They didn't know what hit 'em."

Her eyes widened and her blush deepened,"You were so cool! And funny! You're funny too. How did you keep talking while you were moving like that?"

"Finally, someone appreciates talent! Years of practice kid," she smiled,"Oh, my name's Wade Winston Wilson, and don't you forget it," he gave her a wink and she giggled a bit,"but you can call me Uncle Wade, or Deadpool, but from you, I'd prefer Uncle Wade. What's your name, is it Little Red Riding Hood?" Gilly was wearing a red hood, similar in style to the one a certain fairy tale character's,"Cause I nearly had to be the woodsman."

She was confused, but kept her thoughts to herself,"No, my name's Gilly."

"So, Gilly, what are you doing out here alone? These here woods look mighty dangerous."

"They are, but I had to find someone. I was walking down this path-" Deadpool looked around an realize that they are sitting on an old dirt road,"-and I could just see her hut, when those Werelupe attacked me. I tripped, and you know the rest."

"I see, so who ya gotta see?"

"Sophie the Swamp Witch. I wanted to know who this belonged to," she reached into her dress's pocket to pull out a neckless with a silver locket attached to it.

"Can I see that?" She obliged. It was rather old and plain. He might be able to get 25 dollars out of it, but the girl could get only 10 bucks, at best. He handed it back to her.

"Anyway, can you answer a few questions for me? Where am I, What am I, and while we're at it, what are you?"

She was a bit uncertain, but this man did save her life, so..."You're in the Haunted Woods, I think you're an Ixi, and I'm an Usul."

"Thank you, and with that,"he let her down gently and got up,"I shall be on my way good miss."

"Wait! I want you to have this." She held up the locket.

Deadpool squinted his eyes at her,"Dare I ask: Why?"

"Well, you saved me, and I've had enough adventure for awhile. Maybe you can find out who this belongs too."

"Um, fine I guess." He took it a little uncertainly,"I really don't have much to give you... Wait! I know just the thing!"

He unstrapped one of the katana on his back, and handed it to her. She could barely lift it. "Thanks?"

"You can't use it now of course. Just give it to yer mum an' dad to hold until you get bigger."

"Thanks, Uncle Wade! I'll never forget you!" he didn't quite feel the need to tell her that nobody ever does, "Remember, go see Sophie. She's right down the road."

As he waved good by to her, watching her limping from her fall and dragging a dangerous weapon that's twice her size, he couldn't help but feel like he'd done something stupid. Must be something he ate.

* * *

**Man, that Deadpool is something else. But you got of give him this: Most of those so called superheroes would be sweating buckets in his situation. They'd be going: "Oh, my face, I am no longer human, angst, angst, angst, and more angst." Deadpool just walks in there kicking butt like he was born looking like that. Those friggin' drama queens ain't got nothing on him. I do believe that this is my longest chapter. I hope ya'll are likin' this so far.**


	3. And His Day Started Out So Well

He followed the path that the little girl had told him about, and it was true enough that he couldn't miss Sophie's shack. It was fairly hard to miss the large swamp at the end of the path, nor was it too much harder to spot Sophie's modest living arrangements. It was on a small island in the middle of the swamp.

"Thankfully, our handsome hero has his super-de-dooper teleportin' machine for a belt buckle to make crossing this nasty old swamp a breeze!"

When he pressed the button however, all he heard was an electric sizzle, and then nothing. He then started banging it, saying:

"WORK, DAMN YOU! WORK! YOU SUPER-DE-DOOPER TELEPORTIN' DEVICE IN MY BELT BUCKLE, YOU! THE HANDSOME HERO'S GOTTA CROSS THIS NASTY OLD SWAMP LIKE A BREEZE!" He sat there hitting the device for about five minutes before giving up.

He shot the dirty looking water a withering glance. "Do I really care enough about that dinky little locket to swim across this festering hole of a swamp to talk to some witch who may not even know anything about it?"

He thought about it for a minute before answering his own question.

"Not really. But if she's a real witch, she might give me some clues as to what the hell's going on. Which I don't care about, either, but I ain't got nothin' better to do, and what could a little swim hurt? Not like there's anything in that stupid swamp that can hurt me."

Deadpool took did a running jump into the water while yelling, "FOR BOREDOM!"

* * *

He was right. There was nothing in that murky swamp water that could hurt him. His clothes and tools, on the other hand... 

His mask and the top of his costume where torn to shreds when he got caught in some strange thorny plant. He was glad that his katana strap remained intact, with the katana in place.

He has no idea how he lost his utility belt, but he noticed it was gone when the bottom part of his costume started falling down. Had to hold on to a piece of drift wood while he tied his katana strap and katana to his waist, which left him heavier on one side than the other, making swimming more difficult.

There were numerous times he was slowed down by hitting floating wood, thorny roots, some kind of spiked fish, and waiting for his healing factor to heal his wounds obtained by the aforementioned events.

When he got to the shore of the small island, his costume had been reduced to a pair of crude shorts held up by the same strap as his sword, which was the only weapon he'd managed to salvage. His face... well, I won't go into detail, but because of his semi-human size and structure ( he still walked like a human, and his feet where shaped like a human's, except for the toes), you'd be hard pressed to tell that he was even partially an Ixi if not for the single horn, and the visible evidence of where a horn had once been but now was not.

He was pissed off, but decided to shove his problems into the back of his head and examine his surroundings, and there was only one point of interest...

* * *

Deadpool was looking at a run-down old shack. It wasn't nearly as shabby as what he lived in, but it was going in the right direction in his opinion. _'Finally, someone to share un-decoration tips with!' _thought Deadpool. For more information, check out Deadpool's Guide to Making Livable Houses Look Un-livable, by Wade Wilson, at your local library! Surprisingly enough, most people think it's a comedy of some sort. 

It was made of wood, had one door, only two windows, a simple porch with no furniture on it, and it was barely as tall as he was (he's shorter than he was, but he's taller than most everything in Neopia save for the more powerful faeries).

"Well let's see. There is no way I could fit through those windows. I could: A. Knock on the door. B. Shout really loudly to get someone's attention. C. Wedge my katana through the crack in the door. D. Jump on the roof and cause it to fall in. E. Burn the ugly thing to the ground..."

* * *

Sophie had been gathering supplies all day, and was using her old wooden boat. She was close to her island when she noticed this... whatever it was walk onto HER shore from HER swamp. Then he walked up to HER front door. She was tying up her boat when she heard it, or judging by the voice, him say, "...the door. B. Shout really loudly to get someone's attention. C. Wedge my katana through the crack in the door. D. Jump on the roof and cause it to fall in. E. Burn the ugly thing to the ground..." 

She was becoming so angry that she nearly dropped her basket of ingredients. How dare he! Just being here was enough to make her angry, but this... she sat down her stuff and started to walk to wards the man with her staff at the ready. She was stopped in her tracks, however, when she heard him continue.

"...F. I know you're listening, or perhaps G. No, I'm not being serious. Yet," he turned around to face her,"Waddah you think?" he asked her casually. She was trying to surprise him, she'd mad no sound. How did he know?

She both glared and sneered at him. "How?" she deadpanned.

Deadpool scratched his chin thoughtfully for a moment, and then said,"Well, I guess I can try to find a stone, and hit it with my sword, making sparks that would..."

"I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU PLAN TO DESTROY MY HOME!" she howled at him. She was quite surprised at how quickly he got under her skin.

"Didn't you hear plan G?" he said innocently.

She tried to calm down, or keep her cool anyway. "I am referring to plan F."

"Well, I'm impressed, not many people can guess how to play my game so quickly. Most don't even play. Boring, huh? I mean, lighten up dudes. It's not like it's that hard. Ask the right question, get the right answer. Y'know, I was talking to an... acquaintance the other day, and..."

"So. give. the. right. answer." she said through her teeth, barely containing her rising anger.

Deadpool sighed. "Fair enough. It was just instincts," he said simply.

"Instincts? What do you mean?"

"I thought you had to be smart to be a witch. What do you think it means?"

This was when she'd finally lost her patience with Deadpool.

"I don't care who you are, I don't care what your here for, but I want you off of my home, now!"

"Oh, is that so? Well the name's Deadpool, and I'm willing to wager that this piece of land belongs to no one officially. You probably just live here because no one else cares enough to lay claim to it and they ran out of room at the happy place with the white men in white lab coats with PHD's and padded walls."

She just gave him a 'what the fuck?' expression. _'He's just trying to confuse me! Focus!' _"Just leave. Now. I'm only warning you once."

"Oh, that's rich. By the way, a little Usul, or something, told me that you'd be interested it this," he takes the locket out of his pocket, thankful that it's still there.

Sophie's eyes widen,"Where did you get that! Give it to me!" She ran to snatch the wallet from Deadpool, but he just lifted out of her reach. He was about a head taller than she was, and his arms are way longer than hers.

"Nuh-uh. Not so fast, sugah. You and me are going into your tiny hut, to have a nice, peaceful conversation about why the hell I've been drug all the way here from the MU. If what you tell me is worth it, I'll give this worthless little trinket to you. Then everyones happy. Whadda you say?"

_'How dare he! I will teach him a lesson he'll never forget!'_

She was bursting with rage one moment, and then calm the next. Deadpool became wary. His little speech didn't have the desired effect. Sophie stepped back and said, "You know what I say?" she said a little too sweetly for Wade's taste,"I say this is the day you die!" She lifted her staff.

"I wouldn't put money on it, darlin'. The thing about dead pool's is: I always win, whether I want to or not."

* * *

**A fairly good chapter. Not my best work, but it'll do. Next chapter has a fight scene between Sophie the Swamp Witch and Deadpool, the Merc-with-a-Mouth!**

**To Sabrina: This doesn't change anything, it just makes things more interesting.**


End file.
